Jeff Cook

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Jeff Cook# 9

Position:  2B

If Crash were a cartoon character, who would he be?  Answer below.

Jeffrey William "Crash" Cook

b. August 12, 1953

Durham, North Carolina

bats - switch-hitter      throws - right

6'1"    190 lbs. 

Crash Cook was born in a room overlooking the old Bulls Stadium in Durham, North Carolina - the illegitimate son of an itinerant shampoo salesman and a part time Alameda Junior College English teacher. Abandoned at birth, Crash was secretly raised by the stadium's grounds crew and grew up on the infield hearing the cherished stories of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, John Noonan and Shoeless Joe Jackson. 

An athlete for sure, the crew soon learned that little Crash also possessed a quiet intellectual side. Between batting practice, he was often discovered, by himself, in the bullpen, reading books without pictures in them. The Bulls soon put his substantial intellect to good use. Crash was given a game-day seat in the Bulls' dugout (hidden by the water cooler) where he was charged with picking off the opponents signs - at which he became very, very good - especially when the other team failed to incorporate a "wipe-off" sign in its protocol. By independence day his first year in the dugout, the Bulls were playing baseball with joy and verve and poetry having swept a four game series at Kingston, two games at Winston-Salem and beat the holy shit out of Greensboro in a three game set. It was this sudden uncanny sense of effective baseball mentality - unusual in the Carolina League - which caught the attention of local authorities and ultimately "blew" Crash's cover.

A prudish social worker, Joan Shaller, disguised herself as a Crackerjack vendor, visited the dugout, exposed the arrangement and, on behalf of the county, wrested away control of Crash's affairs. Crash and the Bulls were hopeless - utterly hopeless. On Shaller's recommendation, Crash's upbringing was placed squarely in the hands of one Reverend Terrance Mann. Unbeknownst to the Spinster Shaller, however, Mann had been a successful sports lawyer years earlier before having been disbarred for his role in the disastrous Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas trade. Turning to religion, Mann became ordained at El Paso in the Texas League before being traded to an Episcopal parish in Durham in exchange for two alter boys and a priest to be named later.

Forever bitter over what he believed was a smear campaign to disbar him, the bachelor Mann nevertheless treated Crash as the boy he never had and proceeded to raise him properly in the Church of Life and in the Church of Baseball.

Crash captained his Little League, Babe Ruth, High School and Connie Mack baseball teams before lettering in baseball at a small private pre-law college in southern Minnesota. Although tempted by professional baseball, Crash opted for law school. Thereafter he spent ten years in private practice before becoming general counsel for a company headed-up by an eccentric shampoo maker. In early 1992, Crash was recruited by the Shoreview Blue Kharma where he spent three successful seasons in the infield before the Minnetonka Saints picked him up on waivers in 1996. 

A staple in the Saints lineup, Crash is enjoying the season of his life at age 50. Having announced his season's end retirement from active play - for love of the game - Crash plans to return to professional baseball where he undoubtedly will make a fine minor league manager someday.

 

Mr. Peabody
If Crash were a cartoon character he would be Mr. Peabody.

Saints Lifetime Stats:

Seas

Gms

AB

Runs

Hits

RBI

2B

3B

HR

BB

K

E

SB

AS

SAC

GWH

DP

Avg.

OBP

Slug

7

108

245

44

67

40

3

2

0

10

33

1

14

16

5

2

2

0.273

0.302

0.294